5 Stories and a Piece of You & Me by Padgett Powell

Author:Padgett Powell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2012-07-01T00:00:00+00:00

Utopia

A MAN IN a cigar-colored suit is not to be trusted, and frankly my aversion to that one over there goes well beyond mistrust: I outright do not like the son of a bitch. A cigar-colored suit!

I AM PURSUING my dissertation on agiation. That is the new science of getting old. In case you need to know what I am talking about. You probably don’t. Sometimes I myself wonder why anyone needs to know anything about agiation, when for thousands of years people just did it without being told a goddamn thing about it and they got along fine, getting old right on schedule and getting in their final pajamas etc. I wonder why anyone needs to know anything about anything when you get right down to it. In this same spirit of wonderment I wonder why everyone has to suddenly be on the phone all the time. Everyone has suddenly decided they have to know what everyone else is up to at every minute of the day. How did this happen? We have all become The President.

There is a new society forming. It is going to allow running water in a house, a three-channel TV, a rotary-dial phone, a wringer washing machine, and one car.

WHEN THE CIGAR-COLORED-SUIT-WEARING asshole is not wearing that, he is wearing a sky-blue one! It would be fun and gratifying to see a car knock him out of his shoes. There they would sit, some kind of Italian superiority, empty on the road, nearby which groans the lump who wore them to that forlorn spot. The ambulance might be forever in coming. What will become of the shoes? I despise that asshole. I would hope that a bum would come along and fit himself into the shoes and shamble off in them, perhaps right by the paralyzed face of the owner, who could just force himself to groan, “Muuhshoooos!” “Yeahnow,” the bum says, “I clickin and clackin down the track now.”

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